


"Nightmares"

by AspiringAuthor29



Series: Bad Things Happen To Spencer Reid Bingo [1]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Episode: s01e06 L.D.S.K., Episode: s02e14 The Big Game, Episode: s02e15 Revelations, Episode: s04e24 Amplification, Gen, Hurt Spencer Reid, Morgan and him are BFFs, Poor Spencer and his nightmares, Spencer has trust issues, Spoilers, Tobias isn't actually a character but I tagged him anyway, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:54:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27427504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AspiringAuthor29/pseuds/AspiringAuthor29
Summary: Reid begins to doubt his place on the team in the wakes of a nightmare and a case that hits very close to home. Of course, Morgan is there to assure his Pretty Boy that he is a very valued member of the team.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner & Spencer Reid, Spencer Reid & The BAU Team, Tobias Hankel & Spencer Reid
Series: Bad Things Happen To Spencer Reid Bingo [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2003854
Comments: 1
Kudos: 127





	"Nightmares"

**Author's Note:**

> So this is one of a series of bad things happen bingo. So far, I have three done and am planning out number four. Also, they will all pretty much be about Reid and most will include Morgan because they are my favorite duo. Hope you enjoy!

Reid was used to nightmares. He had dealt with them his entire life, not just after joining the BAU. If he was completely honest, he hadn't even gotten nightmares from the job when he first started. Where most new agents got queasy and lost their cool, Reid was nothing but curious. He figured that was one of the main reasons he had lasted so long when others had failed.

Not that he didn't have nightmares from the job, only they didn't start immediately like one would think. No, the job didn't begin to haunt his dreams until Tobias Hankel.

When he had first come back from the ordeal, Morgan had offered to let him stay at his place for a little while, at least until he managed to sleep through the night. He had graciously declined, wanting nothing more than to sleep in his own bed. At the time, he hadn't thought anything of Morgan being concerned about him being able to sleep, but looking back on it almost three years later, he probably should have swallowed his pride and accepted.

His whole life, he had never admitted to having nightmares, nor how much he truly suffered. What was to be expected when you were a twelve-year-old senior in high school? More than a few people had fueled his nightmares. Then, it had been the quarterback shoving him in a locker or the school bully giving him a few good hits. Even after he had joined the BAU, it was maybe an Unsub that they couldn't stop or some poor victim haunting his sleep, but after Tobias, everything had changed.

That first night, he had laid in bed, staring at his ceiling for an impossible amount of time. His thoughts whirred in his head and all he could think about was him. Over and over again he had heard the gunshots, seen Tobias hitting himself as the persona of Charles, and worst of all, felt the needle slipping into his vein. The effects of the Dilaudid running through his veins was all he could think about for months after.

The feeling had been both enticing and horrific. He had loved how it could temporarily make the horrors of their job disappear, but he had despised the way it made him feel less in control of his own body. It made him feel as if his worst fear was coming true. As if his mind was splitting and he was finally breaking down with schizophrenia.

It had taken a while for him to get completely clean, but he was now approaching three years without once using a narcotic of any sort. He had never told the team about his addiction, although with a team of profilers, he was sure they knew. It supported the fact even more after his run-in with anthrax the year prior. Even though he had told the medical professionals not to give him narcotics, it turned out that Morgan had already been one step ahead of him and warned them himself.

He hardly even thought about the drugs anymore. Yes, there were cases when he would get home and fantasize about letting it all slip away with the use of the drug, but he always quickly shot it down and remained clean. Other than that, he no longer thought about it 24/7 like he had in the past. It was merely a thought now. Eventually even the nightmares had slowed to where he only experienced them after a particularly gruesome case.

Of course, this had to be one of those cases. Not that it was technically gory, but it was the way that the Unsub executed his victims that was getting to Reid. He injected them with Dilaudid, of all drugs, until they ended up ODing.

Everyone on the team knew that the case was getting to him the most of all, that was why Hotch had sent them all back to the hotel to get some rest. Even Rossi, who hadn't even been on the team at the time, was being seemingly more patient and gentler with him. He was sure that Rossi at least suspected he had had a problem with the drug in the past, even if he didn't know the entire story.

When they had gotten back to the hotel, Morgan, who he was rooming with, had kindly asked him if there was anything he wanted to talk about. Reid had declined, claiming to want to just get a shower and go to bed. The elder profiler had immediately dropped the subject on account of Reid's blatant refusal, busying himself with getting ready for bed.

Reid had laid in bed just like that first night after he came back from Georgia. He heard Morgan's breathing eventually even out with sleep in the other bed but knew that he would be awake with even the smallest of abnormal sounds from Reid.

He stared at the ceiling, wondering why Hotch hadn't just reported him to Strauss in the first place. Reid was positive that Hotch knew about his addiction, but the senior agent had turned an eye towards it. Not for the first time, Reid found himself wondering what was so great about him that everyone wanted him to be around. He really was just a tool that they could use to solve their cases. Even after five years of them being friendly and saying he was a part of their family; he still had his doubts. It was a fear that haunted him almost as much as the schizophrenia.

In some of his nightmares, they would one day all turn on him and tell him that it had all been a ruse to help them solve cases. In others, they would all just ignore him and act as if he were an inanimate object. A tool, like he had previously thought. Of course, he knew that these were irrational thoughts. If they weren't, he wouldn't be Henry's godfather and Morgan wouldn't call him Pretty Boy. Rossi wouldn't give him pep talks and Emily wouldn't act like an annoying older sister. Garcia wouldn't keep calling him "her baby", Hotch wouldn't be so fiercely protective, and JJ wouldn't act so caring towards him.

Although he was afraid to fall asleep for fear of what he would see form the case and old memories, he let his eyes slip close with the thought of the only true family he had ever had. Though he would always have trouble accepting the fact that people actually like him, his family would hopefully always be there for him.

0000

_He was sitting in the conference room while JJ briefed them on a case. Emily had brought him his usual coffee: more sugar than could possibly be healthy for someone his age. Morgan was sitting beside him and tapping his leg with his pen just to get on his nerves. Reid kicked him under the table which Morgan retaliated with a kick of his own. This one was much harder than Reid's had been, and it caused him to jump. Hotch shot both of them a stern look that said, "Behave and pay attention." Garcia covered a laugh with a very poor imitation of a cough. Morgan shot him a goofy look._

_All was right in Reid's world._

_That was until a voice that still sent violent shivers down the genius' spine spoke up from the doorway of the conference room._

_"I heard that you guys had a friend of mine," the cruel voice of Charles Hankel said. Hotch briefly glanced up from his seat, but a malicious smile crept on to his features in that second._

_"We've been waiting for you Mr. Hankel," Hotch growled, a sick excitement that Reid had never heard in his voice before taking up residence. Garcia was practically vibrating in her seat. Not that this was by any means unusual, but it was the reason for it that confused and concerned Reid. She had the same sadistic look on her face as Hotch, and it was not at all becoming of their tech goddess._

_As for Reid, he was frozen to his seat with terror. The amount of pure fear pumping through his veins was something that he had hoped to never experience again. He hadn't even felt this hopelessly scared when he was infected by anthrax._

_"G-guys, w-what's going o-on?" he stuttered, his eyes flicking wildly to each member of his team. He could sense the zealot standing right behind him, but he couldn't bring himself to see that…that horrific face. Instead, he tried to find comfort in the faces of his family, but for once in his time at the BAU, he couldn't. He simply found identical looks of sadistic anticipation on all of their faces._

_Morgan's head turned towards him almost mechanically. "It's time for your punishment, freak," he hissed in a cold tone. Reid flinched despite himself. Morgan had never talked to him like that before. Never. He was his best friend and he had always felt safe as long as Morgan was around. But now it was like a completely different person was living in the dark-skinned man's body._

_A shiver went down his spine at the obtrusive nickname that he had heard so many times throughout high school. Morgan knew of the abuse he had suffered at the hands of his classmates and, as he had once put it after Reid had told him about his bullying problem, "would rather cut out my own tongue before I ever said something like that to a kid." Ever since then, anytime Reid received flak from local police officers, Morgan was always there to give a little growl and an intimidating glare. They usually didn't bother him the rest of the case._

_Here he was though, hearing one of his closest friends so cruelly refer to him as a freak. Morgan shoved him roughly off of his chair and he hit the floor with a grunt. Reid scrambled back. His breath constricted in his chest as he caught a glance of Hankel. He almost wished that Tobias would show up even if it meant having to take Dilaudid. He would gladly welcome the change._

_No, his subconscious berated him, You're stronger than that. You don't need drugs to get through this._

_He tried to press himself further into the wall. "Come on Spencie. Stop being such a baby," JJ sang and then cackled. Yes, JJ cackled. His eyes prickled with tears as he gazed at that face he loved so much._

_"She's the only person in the world who calls me Spence." He remembered the day he had said that to Gideon. Usually, he found the sweet name endearing, but now he found himself inwardly shaking at the patronizing tone._

_"JJ?" he whispered in confusion. What was happening to his team, his family? Why were they suddenly turning on him? It was one of his worst fears coming true right before his eyes and he felt like crying. But no, he wouldn't. He was going to be strong._

_Morgan pushed his knee painfully into Reid's chest and pinned both of his arms down, so they were splayed across the floor. Reid squirmed desperately under his hold._

_"Morgan, p-please," he whimpered, his eyes flicking nervously over to Charles Hankel who stood menacingly in the corner. He was just watching the scene before him unfold with a sick curiosity._

_"Aww look, the freak's scared," Garcia said in a mocking tone. She giggled and then fist bumped Emily who was bent over with laughter._

_The scene shimmered as if he were hallucinating. But it seemed so real! It couldn't be real though, could it? His team would never betray him like this, he was sure of it. Yet, here you are, his subconscious chided. He was beginning to think that his subconscious was a real moron._

_Charles sauntered over and knelt precariously beside Spencer's head. He pulled his fist back and slammed it into Reid's face. He cried out, although it wasn't the kind of pain he was expecting. It was more of a mental pain. He felt it like anyone would feel a blow to the face, but it was as if he weren't actually there or as if he were feeling it from somewhere else._

_Everyone in the room cheered as Charles landed yet another blow on his prone face. Sweat was beading on the man's face from the effort of each punch. Reid could feel blood covering his face, but once again, he couldn't at the same time. It was as if he were both observing the happenings and experiencing them._

_"Confess to your sins, boy," Charles growled. Spencer trembled at these words, clearly remembering the beating he had taken last time with the help of his eidetic memory. The last time Charles had believed he was a sinner, he had gotten his feet beaten with a board. Not to mention the fact that he wailed on his so much it caused a seizure. Charles switched back to Tobias and revived him with CPR, but not before the entire team saw him go into cardiac arrest on screen. At the time, he had thought that they were all haunted by this fact as much as himself, but now he wasn't sure. They were literally cheering for the man who had caused him so much pain for months, years._

_Morgan smashed his own fist into the genius' stomach and roared with laughter at the groan that escaped Reid's lips. Everyone else joined in as the onslaught continued until tears were literally slipping down his cheeks._

_"How do you like that, wonder boy?" Emily taunted. JJ high-fived her. Oh god. This is just like high school, Reid thought. His breathing began to pickup at the thought and as that fateful day with the goalpost slipped into his mind. This just seemed to amuse his so called "friends" more._

_"W-why are you d-doing this?" he managed to get out between irregular breaths. He leveled his eyes on Hotch. Hotch had always been straightforward with him. He had been there for him after Gideon left and he had never reported his drug problem to Strauss. If he was being honest with himself, Hotch had always been a sort of father figure in his life, considering he had never had one growing up. The stoic look in the senior agent's eyes that was so often clung to in hard times was no where to be found. In its place was the same malicious gaze as before._

_"Don't you get it genius?" he hissed in a very un-Hotch like manner, "No one likes you. Honestly, we would have probably been much happier if we had never found you when Hankel took you. He was doing us a major favor. I wasn't lying clear back with that Long-Distance Serial Killer case when I said that you were a nuisance. Everyday we have to listen to you whine about this or that that we don't care in the slightest about. We end up dragging you around like some child and protecting you because your too wimpy to take care of yourself. And then when you were an addict, I had to cover up for you everyday just so you wouldn't get fired. And for what? So we can get a little bit of help on geographical profiles and useless facts?"_

_Reid choked out a sob. These were the words that he had heard Hotch saying to him hundreds of times in his own mind. He had always feared the day they would all come to their sense and realize that he was useless. As much as he had always suspected this day would come, he had merely thought that he would get fired. He had never dreamed that they would get his worst nightmare here to torment him. They really wanted him dead. More tears slipped down his cheeks._

_"Look, the baby's crying!" Garcia pointed out. They all roared with laughter. This was terrible. This was by far the worst day of his life. It surpassed every single episode his mother had ever had while he was growing up. It surpassed his dad leaving and every single time he was ever bullied._

_"Not to mention the fact that you're going to end up just like your mother. There's no use in keeping you around if you're just going to end up going crazy. I give you a couple of years until you're loonier than a tune," Rossi sighed in exasperation. He was acting as if he were explaining something to a very small child and they just couldn't understand._

_This hurt Reid deeply. He was pretty sure that the entire team knew about his fear of breaking down with schizophrenia and they always took care to tread lightly when they were on the topic. He could never imagine Rossi saying something like that to him, but apparently, he had a change of heart. He now also was trying to figure out the best way to inflict pain on Reid, although emotional._

_"Maybe we should get the straitjacket," Morgan growled excitedly. He dug his knee deeper into his chest and squeezed his wrists a bit harder. Spencer once again tried to squirm away, but he was hopelessly pinned by Morgan's jock-like physique._

_Reid's ever-analyzing mind had a thought in the midst of everything going on around him. Why di the knee Morgan had placed on his chest hurt like the punches had, but the hands holding down his wrists actually felt as if they were pinned? He could literally feel Morgan's warm, calloused hands on top of his soft skin. It wasn't like the other injuries where it was as if he wasn't actually in the room, but it was like someone or something was actually pinning his wrists down._

_"Would you like to do the honors?" Charles asked, holding a very familiar syringe out to Hotch. Hotch chuckled as if someone had said something very funny. It was actually quite strange to see Hotch chuckle. They were lucky if they got the smallest corner smile form him on a good day. Here he was, truly chuckling._

_"Of course," Hotch responded, taking the offered object. He knelt on Reid's other side and poised the needle above the prodigy's exposed vein._

_"N-no, p-please don't d-do this. I'll d-do whatever else you w-want, j-just please not th-that," Reid sobbed. It was like he was back at the cabin again. He could even smell the burning fish organs. Whether there actually were any or it was more of his stupid subconscious, he didn't know, not that it mattered anyway._

_"It's what you deserve," Hotch snarled in disgust. He plunged the needle into Reid's arm without another moment of hesitation on his part. Reid screamed as he felt the familiar pinch of the needle and the drug beginning to flow through his veins. He could vividly imagine the cardiovascular system in his head, and he could see the drug spreading through it, intoxicating it._

_Already he was beginning to feel tired and sluggish. His eyes were beginning to blur, but he managed to sneak a look at Morgan one more time as Hotch plunged another needle into his arm. He barely even registered the pinch this time with his body already being so overrun with the drug._

_The strangest thing happened. Morgan's face completely changed. It held the look of a concerned friend Reid had known and befriended._

_"Reid! Reid! SPENCER! Come on man, this has gone on long enough and you're gonna hurt yourself. WAKE UP! It's just a dream!" the elder agent cried loudly._

_Reid stared at him with a drugged, confused look. Wake up? Wasn't he already awake? He must have had more drugs in his system than he had initially thought. He didn't have any time to contemplate this newest addition to the encyclopedia of information in his head before his eyes slipped close and he gave into the foreboding darkness._

0000

Spencer jerked awake, gasping for air. He could feel the sweat clinging to his forehead and the way his t-shirt stuck to his body with perspiration. He had a moment where he had no idea where he was before it came back to him. Case, Hotel…Nightmare. It had just been a nightmare. He breathed a sigh of relief.

Reid attempted to get out of bed but met two obstacles. One was the bedsheets twisted all around his body from continuous thrashing and two were the muscular, yet gentle hands around his wrists. He whipped his head up to see Morgan sitting on the bed, hands still firmly grasping his wrists, chocolate eyes gazing at him with worry.

"You okay, kid? You didn't hurt yourself, did you? You were thrashing around pretty good for a while. I tried to hold you down, but I didn't want to make it worse," the elder agent asked softly. Reid's overactive mind flicked back to the nightmare where Morgan had been anything but caring. He had no proof that Morgan would ever do anything like that, but that nagging voice kept saying "but" in his head. He couldn't keep his doubt at bay. What if Morgan was going to turn on him after all of this time? He wasn't about to let his nightmare come true.

He began to twist his wrists desperately in Morgan's grip. As if realizing something was very wrong, Morgan automatically released his hold on the younger agent. Reid scrambled away from Morgan until his back was pressed against the headboard.

"Everything's okay, kid. It was just a nightmare. Whatever you saw wasn't real. I need you to calm down, though, before you hyperventilate," Morgan said soothingly. He gazed at Reid who seemed to be thinking about something completely different. He was now very concerned. "Reid, you with me man?"

Out of the blue, Reid broke down in tears. He scrubbed at his eyes in a very child-like way that made him look all of ten-years-old. Morgan was at a loss for words. He had seen Reid at some of his worst moments, but the doctor had never blatantly sobbed in front of him. It kicked some new level of protectiveness into gear for Morgan.

He crawled over to the shaking agent and sat down beside him, but still gave him his space. It seemed that Reid had different ideas though, for he all but tackled Morgan when he began to cry into his shirt. Morgan sat shocked as he awkwardly patted the younger man's shoulder. Another heartbreaking sob jostled Morgan out of his stupor and he began to rhythmically rub circles on his friend's back.

When Reid had quieted down enough for anyone to get a word in, Morgan moved him enough to look into bloodshot eyes.

"Do want to talk about it?" he asked quietly. He was expecting Reid to say no and deal with it himself as he did every other problem, so he was pleasantly surprised when he took in a stuttering breath and began to whisper.

"W-we were in the conference r-room and everything was normal. B-but then Hankel sh-showed up and you all…you all," Reid trailed off as another broken sob escaped him. Morgan sighed. They all knew that this case was going to get to him, what with his history with Dilauded, so he wasn't exactly surprised when Reid said that Hankel had showed up.

"You're doing great," Morgan encouraged as he resumed his rubbing. Sometimes he wished that he could bring Hankel back from the dead just to kill him all over again for what he did to Reid.

"W-well Hotch said it was t-time for my punishment," Spencer took a deep breath to calm his quivering voice, "Then you pushed me on the ground and held me down. Everyone was cheering as Hankel beat me up again and then Hankel asked Hotch to do the honors and he injected me with…with Dilaudid again."

Morgan tightened his hold around the young doctor. The kid sure did have doozy nightmares. He thought for a second about how he wanted to word his next statement.

"Listen closely kid. No one would EVER do that to you. We're a family and you're very much a part of that. No one would ever let anyone else do that to you either. We all care for you very much. You know that Hotch would first quit the FBI before he did that to you. Now, was that all that happened or was there more?" Morgan pressed.

Reid sighed. Morgan could always see right through him. "You were all saying some things to me. You were calling me a freak and JJ was calling me Spencie but not in a good way. In a mocking way, you know. Hotch said that I was just a wimpy kid who was too weak to take care of myself and Rossi said that I was going to be just as crazy as my mom one day. Hotch also said that you all would have been better off if Hankel had just killed me. He said that there was no reason you guys kept me around because I was only good for being a tool on cases and giving facts that no one really cared about. Among other things."

Morgan had to will himself not to growl with anger. He knew that Reid had trouble with bullying all throughout his school career. He couldn't imagine what it was like for Reid to hear the only other family he had beside his mother say those terrible things to him. So, the next words he said he put passion and emotion behind each one.

"You ARE NOT a freak. I, nor anyone else on the team, would ever say anything like that to you. You are not weak, Reid, you are by far one of the strongest people I know. You have been through absolute hell and came through even stronger than anyone thought you could. It's okay to need to cry sometimes because that's human nature. Everyone needs to breakdown every once in a while; it's only natural. As for your mom, she's ill and right now, nothing is wrong with you, so let's focus on that. I NEVER want to hear you say we would be better off with you dead. The team would fall apart because we need you, Reid. Not just to solve cases, but you're part of our family. You are not a tool, you're a human being with feelings. What they did to you in school was terrible, but we will never do anything like the facts, well, that's just who you are Reid and we all love you for it."

Reid looked up at him in utter surprise. "You mean it?"

"I do and so would the rest of the team if you just ask them. Now, we'll talk more about this later if you want, but right now, we both need to get some sleep," Morgan said quietly, but realized that Spencer was already curled up against him. He sighed and shifted in order to go to sleep. He turned off abut one of the lights, leaving one on for Spencer.

He felt the soft whoosh of air on his t-shirt. "'Night, Pretty Boy."


End file.
